Updated: Oct 22, 2021
What do you do when someone (family, friend, stranger, etc.) informs you that they have a problem with you? Do you get mad, sad, updset, disappointed, angry, curious, or do simply ignore them? What if someone told you that any negative feeling or emotion in this case is absolutely unjustified, would that raise your curiosity to learn more?
Many people experience negative feelings when they are told "I have a problem with you" simply because what resonate most is the expression "... problem with you". Apparently, the listener or intended audience associates focuses their attention solely on the expression the "problem with you". What if the person simply stated "I have a problem", would you feel concerned by that statement?
Whether the person says "I have a problem" or "I have a problem with you" or they have a problem with anyone/anything else, the basic fact is that the problem itself is with them and not you. It is human nature to always believe that problems are everywhere else but with self. We - human beings - like to point fingers, complain, blame, or shift the attention and responsibility away from ourselves because it is easier. The path of least resistance is our favorite option. We like to place ourselves on an artificial pedestal and look at others from above, therefore our sufferings are due to others' fault. When they change or do something the way we expect, then our sufferings will cease hence the need to get them involved in a problem that is ours. We do so by telling them that we have a problem with them.
The next time someone says they have a problem with you, please remember that they are simply informing you that they have a problem. A problem can only bother the one who bears it. Liars are bothers by lies and other liars just like them. Someone who is genuinely honest will never willingly lie or associate with liars. The need for lying is incomprehensible to them. Everyone has witnessed how young children genuinely say things how they see it. If someone has a problem, the best thing they can do is to work on the solution themselves from within. They can and should ask for help when it becomes necessary. In that case they should clearly state that they have a problem and they would like to be help.