Everyone’s universe: self and everything else
Everything else: People, Nature, and Things
Disappointment is defined as sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes and expectations.
Fulfillment is the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted. Fulfillment is also the meeting of a requirement or a condition. With these terms clearly defined, then we can summarize a disappointment as sadness or displeasure caused by the nonachievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.
Attachments and Disappointments
For a disappointment to take place, there must be a certain level of attachment to the desired outcome, whether it is a promise or a personal prediction. We can only attach ourselves to something external. As I mentioned at the beginning, our individual universe is only made of self and everything else, we attach ourselves to external things, but since these attachments are conditioned by our desires, hopes, expectations, we feel sad or real displeasure when the outcome is not in line with our expectations. It’s like ripping off a band-aid from the skin because the band-aid is attached to the skin, in more simple terms, we chose to attach ourselves to external things through our desires and expectations, therefore the best way to avoid disappointment is through the management of our own desires and expectations. Under these lights, we should never blame anything or anyone else for our disappointment since we are the ones initiating our desires and expectations.
I know that by now most people want to jump to the conclusion that it is not realistic not to have desires and expectations. I wholeheartedly agree with that statement because desires and expectations are the things that push and pull us forward, they are the basis for hope, and without hope, life will be meaningless. However, the secret is to have the right desires and the right expectations as we go about interacting with the universe that we are surrounded by. Ok, let’s look at some of the possible properly ways to set our mind when interacting with everything else in our surroundings.
Avoiding disappointment with People:
In general, we must always acknowledge the fact that everyone is an independent creature with the same rights as us whether they are relatives or not. Once we come to acknowledge this natural fact, then treat it as sacred because it is what allows each one of us to maintain the integrity of our being. The next thing that will come naturally is “Respect”. Respect for self because we too are human and then others. Respect, meaning “treating others as you would like to be treated” and this is why it is accurately referred to as “The golden rule”. Once we can respect others, we acknowledge their right to make independent decisions that can either be inline or against our desires and expectations. On the one hand, we know what we desire from interacting with others, on the other hand, our desire must also take into consideration the possibilities of outcomes. In simple terms, our desires must be set to expect either fulfillment or a nonfulfillment of our expectations. This can only happen when we set such desires at the neutral position, meaning, whether the desire is fulfilled or not, we are fine with either outcome. This is what most people refer to as living with detachment because we are not attached to a specific outcome.
Some have gone as far as suggesting to “Plan for the worst and hope for the best”. While this sounds like a piece of good advice, I must remind us that everyone is responsible for their own actions therefore, it is absolutely important to be honest with yourself. If you truly desire the worst outcome, then plan for the worst, but if you truly desire a good outcome, then plan for best and set neutral expectations. Your hopes should never precede the outcomes by anticipation. Your main responsibility is to learn how to set your hopes and expectation to a neutral position when dealing with other individuals. However, you should always give your best, do your best, and leave it at that.
Many have seen the power of living with detachment manifested in every aspect of a healthy life. In most cases, what is known as balance, falls within the notion of “leaving with detachment”. Understanding that too much of something is as bad as too little of something, therefore, moderation is always the best advice.
Seek Clarity from Within First to Avoid Confusions
One of the most powerful ways to gain clarity in life is to question all the social constructs such as definitions, norms, and expectations that are pre-established, and then learn to understand the notion of things. By notion, I mean understanding what things truly mean. For instance, the true notion of love that most talk about. When you tell someone that you love them, do you really understand the full power that comes with the notion of love?
What True Love Means.
True Love only cares about what is best for the loved one regardless of whether your way of caring causes pain or joy to them but will never rejoice in seeing the loved one in pain. True Love is Justice in action that is why it is impartial in both punishment and reward. True Love is not selfish meaning, it has nothing to do with the person who expresses such Love, it doesn’t matter how the provider of such Love feels or doesn’t feel. True Love sets free because everything is done with a detachment in order to honor the loved one's individuality and independence. True Love doesn’t accommodate the Loved one’s weaknesses because not only it is care but it is Justice in Action. True Love is fearless and protective. This is why in nature, animals are willing to scarify their own life to protect and defend their cobs. But as soon as the same cob reaches their own state of maturity, they are castoff because True Love is not possessive, and it sets free. It lets the loved one go so that they can fully experience their life, grow, reach their own full potential, and perpetuate this notion of true love in an eternal cycle that repeats itself from generation to generation regardless of space or time. Therefore, the saying True Love is Everything is unquestionably true.
I always like this quote from Nanny McPhee that illustrates what True Love means when it comes to human interactions. She said “When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go”.
Another misunderstood notion is Friendship:
Friend*: A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is a partner, not a leader or a follower.
Disappointments in Friendships:
A friendship is a relationship between friends. Friendship is the noblest relationship that one can have with another fellow human being. Again, in friendship, we help and elevate one another. But just as in any relationship that we freely chose to enter into, we must also be free to leave if it is no longer mutually beneficial. The person who is not capable of setting the other free proves by such behavior that their love or friendship was nothing but self-satisfaction at the expense of the other which is selfish and unhealthy. This means, even in a friendship, one must act with complete detachment on the outcome or expectations.
Disappointments in Family Relationships:
Families have become toxic environments as opposed to refuges or anchors for peace and stability. There are several reasons that can be linked to everything aforementioned. What is the notion of family in terms of Pure Love and Living Laws? The notion of family has been restricted to individuals that are biologically connected just as if biology is the purpose of belonging in a Family. Biology should serve a greater purpose at the early age of a newcomer in a family. The Physical Bonds that exists between individuals in such setting makes it easier and natural for pure love to be genuinely expressed. Over time, the dynamic should gradually transition from biological connection to friendships with the hope to eventually transition from a biological family to a family of friends.
Disappointments in School and Career
Many people go to school simply to follow pre-established social norms. Just go sit in a classroom at any college, you will quickly notice that many are simply there to check the block, they are there just to get a grade so that they can have a diploma. Diplomas are seen as the ticket to guaranteed success. No one seems to dare question this way of life even though most outcomes are clearly screaming failure to our face. Those who have listened to my very first episode entitled “How to reach your natural flow of happiness” know by now that everyone has talent as a gift. This talent also represents a promise for spiritual maturity and happiness for those capable of identifying it, nurturing it, letting it blossom, and mature so that they can share it with their surrounding world. Passion is the strength or energy that allows each one of us to tap into our talent, therefore it is important to follow your passion whether while you are going to school or pursuing a career. You know that you are expressing your talent through an activity when it comes naturally to you and it is done effortlessly. In addition, the fruit of your labor truly reveals beauty, balance, and inspires ennoblement.
Financial Disappointments.
Many are financially disappointed and will remain as such until they learn the true notion of money. Those who have read some of my articles and other literature on the subject freely available fully understand that money is just a notion without any intrinsic value. If you take any currency that most erroneously consider as money back to the bank in exchange for money, they will not be able to give you anything else with value. On each banknote, it is clearly stated: “This note is legal tender for all debts public and private”. It means a banknote is a piece of paper that you carry around like a note just as any note from a friend. They gave you a note in exchange for real value that is your talent, time, and freedom. Therefore even the richest people on earth still struggle to find happiness regardless of the number of notes they have in their possession. They spend time accumulating things without real value but sadly for most of them, they exploit their fellow human beings. This guilt also weighs on their own conscience and they try to fix it by making donations to charities.
Objective Attachment Vs Subjective Attachment
Since it is nearly impossible not to have an attachment, my suggestion is to have objective attachments and not subjective attachments as most do. Objective attachments are attachments to our ideals and our efforts. For instance being attached to the truth, because the truth will set you free. Being attached to the notion of Pure Love because love is everything. Being attached to Justice because Love and Justice are inseparable. But the only true Justice is Divine Justice. Divine Justice unfolds before us daily through the Living Laws of God so that we can learn and adjust accordingly. We’ve talked about these Laws extensively in previous episodes.
Once we are fully equipped with these ideals, then we have to summon all the energy available to us to live up to them daily by only focusing on our efforts, not the outcome since outcomes are outside of our control. We must always strive towards the ideal human being that we can envision for ourselves.